Who do I Want my Child to be

Come out of the daily grind of parenting and look at the larger picture.

If I asked you what your challenges as a parent were, I am sure you would give me a list of daily hassles-getting kids ready for school, homework scuffles, unhealthy food habits and so on. As parents we can get so lost in the day-to-day battles of parenting that it is easy to lose sight of the big picture. Where is all this leading to? Who do you want your child to be? 

Let's do a little visualisation exercise. Sit back, close your eyes and imagine your child as a young adult, say 21. 

Think of two qualities that you would like him/her to have. Parents in conversation with me have mentioned "happy", "independent", "responsible", "hard working", "a good human being", "creative", "kind and compassionate". Now, think how these qualities show up in his day to-day life? Play it out like a movie in your mind. Visualise the way he/she walks, talks, interacts with people, works and has fun. Now, sample this. Picture me in a conversation with your 21-year-old in the course of which, he starts talking about you. 

Imagine that he/she attributed a lot of what he/she was as a young adult to the way you brought him/her up.

• How would he/she describe you as a person and as a parent?
• What qualities in you would he/she highlight that helped him grow as a person?
• What would he/she value most about his/her relationship with you?
• If there was one aspect that he/she found detrimental for his/her growth, what would that be?

I admit that like any other parent, I too have my own share of parenting woes. There are days when I wonder whether I am getting it right or not. However, these questions always help me gain perspective and keep the big picture in mind. As a parent, it is also important for me to do my bit. For example, if I think that I would like my children to grow up to be a happy and creative person, I need to understand how to help them get there.

If I find it difficult to control my anger, then it is unrealistic for me to expect my child to be emotionally intelligent. She is watching how I deal with my rough moments, challenges and frustrations.

Do I flare up every time the stress levels are high or do I take it in my stride, taking on life with a smile and a calm, optimistic attitude?. Keep the faith I want him to be creative. But, am I letting him experiment, learn outside the lines, think out of the box? 

Am I letting him take risks without making him feel that he will immediately be reprimanded for being different? Do I give him time to be, to explore without pressurising him to perform according to my expectations?. 

Build skills 

Happiness is a matter of choice. Research has indicated that 50% of a person's happiness is dependent on genes (biological happiness set point), 10% on circumstances and 40% on intentional activity. 

That means your parenting plays a large part in teaching your child a very important life skill-how to live a happy life.